They're Still Funny, Just Not Ha-Ha Funny

As Justin and I drove aimlessly about the metro area attempting to locate a Chinese buffet that Justin kinda’ sorta’ saw one time – conversation turned to my official review of the latest version of the ever-popular genre Will Ferrell Sports Comedy and Public Display of Unkempt Body. That review was exactly this: “Either I’m growing up, or those movies are getting more and more retarded.”

“I think you’re growing up,” replied Justin.

A genuine look of concern washed over my adorable face, “Oh, fuck!”

As a grown man who strongly believes that there are no other food groups besides chicken nuggets, I refused to let this be the case.

Further investigation revealed the problem is far deeper than the already forgotten basketball comedy (Which proves the theory of my other award winning essay Any Basketball Movie That Isn’t Space Jam Sucks: Piss Off Hoosiers Fans). The extremely unfunny truth to the matter is this: Comedy is broken.

It’s become an unfortunate tradition that the summer movie season unleashes an onslaught of movies with roman numerals behind their titles, however it appears that the summer of ’08 is breaking with that tradition. Aside from an aging archeologist and the role that finally took out Heath Ledger, sequels aren’t really on the menu.

Instead, we’re getting an onslaught of blockbuster comedies. Or, “comedies” as the case may be.

Here’s a sampling of what to expect:

Baby Mama


Forgetting Sarah Marshall


You Don’t Mess With the Zohan


Get Smart


The Love Guru


Step-Brothers


Laughed so hard you pooped yourself, right? I’ll wait for you to fetch a new pair of zubaz.

Don’t get me wrong, there are laughs to be had (Except for The Love Guru. That was painful. Seriously. That’s what rape must be like.) and any movie that involves a sex-montage with Kirsten Bell guarantee’s my seeing it six times, but we’ve fallen on hard times with the ha-ha’s.

While none of these movies are technically sequels, it’s still pretty hard to differentiate any of these movies from the ones that came before them. Instead of franchising a property like pirates, or boy wizards, or every super-hero ever, Hollywood’s began to franchise the comedian’s personalities.

The life of a modern-day comedian seems to go a little something like this:

Did you see that there’s a new movie with Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Mike Myers/Will Ferrell/Steve Carrell coming out? I don’t know if it’ll be good. I mean, they’re good on their TV show/their stand-up/their supporting role in the current hot comedian’s latest movie, but I don’t know if I can take Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Mike Myers/Will Ferrell/Steve Carrell for an entire movie.

CUT TO DIRECTLY AFTER THE MOVIE IS RELEASED:
Oh my God, Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Mike Myers/Will Ferrell/Steve Carrell is the funniest person alive! They are ten times funnier than Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Mike Myers/Will Ferrell/Steve Carrell!

CUT TO THE NEXT YEAR:

Dude, I am getting so sick of Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Mike Myers/Will Ferrell/Steve Carrell. It’s the same thing over and over again. It’s getting pretty old. Hey, did you see there’s a new movie with Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Mike Myers/Will Ferrell/Steve Carrell coming out? I don’t know if it’ll be good. I mean, they’re good on their TV show/with their stand-up/their supporting role in the current hot comedian’s latest movie, but I don’t know if I can take Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler/Mike Myers/Will Ferrell/Steve Carrell for an entire movie.

Hollywood enjoys taking someone or something that is genuinely funny and original at one point, diluting what made them funny in the first place by breaking them down to a crude caricature of themselves, using them as old French whore with her legs up for a couple of years, and, also like an old French whore, leaving them for dead of the side of a highway once their usefulness has dried up.

Then the comedians get all Bill Murray depressed and I get bored.

I predict a Comedy backlash this summer that’ll likely end the career of at least one of the current comedy titans, and all of these movies will have a roomful of fratties using a handful of catch-phrases, desperately trying to prove their relevance before they have to take over the family sporting good store.

Can comedy be fixed? Yes – there’s a very simple solution to this and every problem: Let me do everything.

Just kidding. Mostly. Hollywood is a very old machine that’s grown far too powerful to stop at this point, but hopefully there’s a small, under-the-radar movie lurking among the giants that we can enjoy for an hour and a half before it becomes the next big thing.