TV Really IS My Pacifier

The premature demise of new TV at the hands of that ugly bitch, the WGA Strike, is starting to take a toll on my sanity. Each week, there's less and less new television waiting for me on my DVR and I'm sick of going to sleep before the sun sets everyday having nothing better to do because I'm a firm believer that reading books is for poor people and guys who sew patches on the elbows of their camel-hair sport jackets.

This No New TV Fever sets in every year around May, but in February?! That just ain't right. It ain't right, I tell you.

To aid me in my quest for all new episodes, I've discovered the website TV Is My Pacifier. It basically updates on a daily basis with what's on every night and gives you the option of sorting the shows by Category, Network, or Time.

Wow, where did the time go? It's 5pm. Time for bed.

You're welcome.

Oscar Blog...

Hey Germs, 

Justin here, just wanted to post our initial running diary of the Oscars 08.  I know that this as not as timely as it should be but hopefully you all enjoy.  Look for future posts as this blog heats up in the near future.

7:30 – Who’s hosting? Stewart. French Stewart? No, Jon. Oh, he’s okay. How great would it be it were French Stewart hosting?

7:31 – JB on the Oscar opening: This is the most exciting city ever!

7:37 – I just realized it’s 7:37. I just lost about six minutes. Fuck.

7:39 – It’s three minutes in, and already I’m declaring this one of the weakest blogs in the history of blogging. The blog police are going to shut down our boring-ass blog.

7:42 – Apparently, nothing happens at all during Atonement until the last minute of the movie according to Josh Zavadil. “Wasn’t it for girls? Like The Notebook?” JB quietly whispers under his breath, “I fucking loved The Notebook.”

7:47 – Justin: Franklin wants up on that couch where you’re sitting. Josh: Yeah, well I wanted to be a writer in Hollywood, and that didn’t work out too well. Justin: Yeah, but Franklin has a lot more determination than you do. True story, Franklin conquers the couch.

7:48 – Jennifer Garner has not eaten in a long, long time.

7:49 – The costume lady that won the first Oscar of the night looks like a rotisserie chicken.

7:53 – The first montage of the night is Hollywood’s tribute to just how awesome Hollywood is.

7:55 – “That’s Charlie Chaplin!? I thought that was an old guy accepting the Charlie Chaplin award! I didn’t even know Charlie Chaplin could talk!”

7:56 – Anne Hathaway has huge features.

7:57 – Justin can accept a rat that cooks, but not a rat that can control a human by pulling on his fair. That’s his line.

7:59 – We all hate Katherine Heigl. It’s not just me. She’s one of the most awful people alive. I’m glad people realize that.

8:00 – Norbit got nominated for an Oscar?!

8:01 – Good for Rick Flair. He just won the make-up Oscar.

8:03 – Josh Zavadil says that if Enchanted is anything like the song that Amy Adams is currently singing then Enchanted is the worst movie ever made and it’s just two hours that’ll annoy the hell out of him. Also, Alisha thinks Amy Adams has veiny, lumpy arms.

8:07 – Justin just announce in his best The Rock impression.. "Can you smell what Dwayne Johnson is cooking?"

8:08 – The best part about Golden Compass was when Mangeto Bear fought Deadwood Bear. The best part of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was when we shut it off.

8:13 – The woman that won for Best Art Direction also has severe neck issues. Also, Scott refuses to watch Sweeney Todd cause there’s singing in it, and singing leads to gay, and he’ll be damned if the gays are gonna’ get him!

8:16 – Jennifer Hudson can. Really. Read. Well. And. Apparently. Only. One. Word. At. A. Time.

8:19 – We’re pretty sure Javier Bardem just swore in Spanish. That entire sentence coulda’ been Spanish swears. Well played Bardem.

8:25 – The middle of Keri Russel’s lips are weird looking. Thank God we’re all perfect and able to point out the shortcomings of others.

8:26 – Scott says American Idol isn’t as much about singing as it is about gay people crying. Kinda’ off topic, but whatevs.

8:28 – Alisha just said that Owen Wilson should’ve cut his nose instead of his wrists.

8:31- Now we’re pretty sure this French guy just swore a bunch in French.

8:39 – Why’d Tilda Swinton show up at the Oscars dressed like the White Witch?

8:54- Justin wants to solve pushing daisies by simply putting gloves on. 

9:04 – Forrest Whittaker = Basset Hound, JB is a 90% match look a like with Forrest Whittaker, therefore JB = Basset Hound.

9:11- Forrest Whittaker myspaced himself and got a 90% match with JB

9:15 – Rudy Huxtable made her first apprance on TV in a decade playing the Wii.

9:15- Justin didn’t believe that it was Rudy, He says ‘That’s not Rudy, Thats So Raven”

9:20 – We actually have to see a clip from every Best Picture.

9:27 – Justin thinks that Dances with Wolves won for best Ta Tonka.

9:29 – There Will Be Blood has no business being nominated for best editing; since they didn’t cut anything out.

9:37 – The Red Baron got the lifetime achievement award and he is going on Forever!!

9:38 – You can relate any situation in life to a Seinfeld moment

9:44 – Scott wants to call in sick tomorrow but he feels bad about it.  Chris says, “You don’t have to tell the truth all the time Washington.”

9:45 – Chris just called Mystic Pizza, Majestic Pizza

9:59 – JB and Bill seriously think they have a chance at getting a blowjob from Cameron Diaz.

10:24 – Diablo Cody now has one more Oscar than Josh may ever have.

10:31 – Spider Man shot bling webs on every ladies bodies tonight.

10:46 – Clean Sweep for the North Star State, We did it!

A Backseat Driver In Voight's Car

Hello interweb. J.B. here.

I'll be supplementing John Voight's Car with posts revolving around the local Minneapolis music scene as well as any happenings in the pop culture world that I deem worthy. This will most likely not include what club Lindsay Lohan lost her virginity in last night for the tenth time or how bat-shit crazy Tom Cruise is (extremely, by the way), but rather how cool it would be to have Sawyer from Lost as a roommate or an intellectual discussion on Minka Kelly's boobs. You know, the things people (me) really care about.

I've been unable to attend band shows recently due to work constraints and the fact that once I sit on my couch after a long day of pretending to look busy and lying to my coworkers about not actually being a CIA Secret Agent, I only get off it to change sweatpants after I've pissed myself three or four times. But I can say that I have an extensive knowledge of what bands are going to be in town and where they'll be playing despite not getting to see the actual show.

I'll still be posting to my other blog, Still Waiting For A Clever Title, so if you think my posts are sh*t and want to read more sh*t, then feel free to wander over there.

Cheers.

Okay....Now What?

Seriously you guys. Who wants to kick this super blog in the interweb nuts and publish a legitimate first post?